Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
