I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
