how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
