i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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