why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
