he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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