i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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