Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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