Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
