I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
