Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
