Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
