dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
