My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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