And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
ttyl tear gas
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
