I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
