so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
