Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
