It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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