wakey wakey hands off snakey
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
