after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
