I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
