organizing the empties. That sober.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
