the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
