Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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