God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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