you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
