singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
