I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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