My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
