the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
