Is it normal to miss your booty call?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
