Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The police scanner is talking about you again....
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
