Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
