Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
