i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
