i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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