I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
