we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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