yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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