Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
