get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
