i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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