Nicole vs. Life
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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