Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
