so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
