The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
