shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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