who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
