I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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