She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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