And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
