The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
