Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
