Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
And then he peed in my hair
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