taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
