we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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