He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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