You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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