Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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