Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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