is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
