Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
